they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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