It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
