If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
