Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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