I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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