Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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