I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
