I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
