her vagine was all disorganized.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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