How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
