i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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