Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
