Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
