I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
