C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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