my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
