She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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