Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
