He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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