She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
