I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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