I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
