I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
