I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just sent this text using only my big toe
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
