I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
