oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
