My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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