my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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