Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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