Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
