you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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