I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
