I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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