the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
