Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
