3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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