there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
