i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
