I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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