I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
