Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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