Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
