we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
