this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
