you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
