Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
