planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you could order shots online.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
