Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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