I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
