I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
