so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
