i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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