wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
