He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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